9/30

            The Ladson-Billings read is a reiteration of what we’ve learned since the start of our journey. What is incredible to me  is that I have yet to see these ideologies in action and I desperately want to. What made me cringe as I was reading this text is the voice of one of my students who always complains that the texts we read in class are too boring and she has a hard time connecting with them. I find myself reprimanding her for these outbursts out of respect for my CT who finds nothing wrong with the texts, although I feel the same way she does. She says that she uses these texts because they resemble what they will see on the STAAR and wants them to be prepared. I get that. However, it seems that the scope of these students’ education is limited to the even more limiting concepts that the STAAR tests them on.

            As I listen to the teachers come up with these thoughtless lesson plans; I wonder if they would use those same plans for their children. And honestly I don’t think so. The teachers here really do not see these kids as capable human beings and that is really frustrating. They say terrible things about them too. The other day one of the first year teachers on my team decided to speak to me for the first time in a month. And in that conversation I learned that I did not care to have any more conversations with him, and it was probably a good thing that he had been pretending I was invisible. He basically told me that this 9^th grade bunch is stupid. I guess he thought that I would be okay with that statement because it is a great representation of what I hear all the time from the professional at this school.

            Overall, I wish that I could work with teachers who demonstrate some of these values or who at least attempt. Often, when I try to make the lessons relevant to the students or bring in what I feel supports the work of people like Ladson-Billings, I feels self conscious because I feel that it is so different from what  my colleagues are doing.

9/23

After barely 3 weeks of student teaching, I have realized that we have learned a lot about teaching and education in the year that we have participated in this program. So much that we probably all have very strong views about the politics of education, and what we want our classrooms to look and feel like. Regrettably, I don’t think I will be able to fully express those ideas in the school or classroom I’m interning in.

I wonder if doing student teaching toward the end of the certification process is standard. Because I think if I would have student taught at the beginning of our journey, I wouldn’t be as critical and annoyed about the daily happenings of my current high school.

What I’m learning at my placement is that there are some realities of teaching that I often do not consider and maybe have forgotten since working in Miami. It seems that everyone is still only concerned about testing and building a curriculum around it. At times I feel like an Alien or an oddball because people actually think this is a good thing. As I watch and share in the students’ dismay, I think they actually think that they’re teaching them something.

I am not trying to discredit what I’ve observed so far at this school, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel like I fit in with my colleagues. I feel like what I’m seeing does not fit with my personal beliefs on teaching and education. We see things differently is all.

But I’m not discouraged, the connections I’ve made with some of my students have been huge and I’m thankful for those experiences. I don’t have to wonder if students would rather be active rather than passive in a classroom, or have lessons that are relevant to them and their communities. They show me everyday.

Student agency is an important theme that came up in the Johnston reading. I like that Johnston pushes for students to become active meaning makers, not just machines who know the elements of plot, how to write short answer responses and can apply that to a rather meaningless test. I know these standardized tests are here to stay but there has to be time made for learning that is much more stimulating and helps the students grow as intellectuals.