11/18

bell hooks’ Teaching Community: A Pedagogy of Hope was a powerful read and I’ve always admired her fearlessness as a black woman, and in this text she continues to be honest, forthright, and tenacious in her critique of  our educational system. Although the text focuses on her experience as a professor in universities, a lot of her insights apply to any educational context, especially to us as “urban teachers”.

            What I liked about this book is hooks’ ability to tell me a black woman, not just white males, that I don’t have it all together. In many ways I too have internalized racist ideals and notions that can be detrimental to my students. Although, I was already well aware of this, I don’t think I reflected on it enough. I think I take for granted that even though I see myself as an “enlightened” black woman there is still more work to be done. For example, she points out that “a black female who has internalized racism may straighten her hair to appear more like white females may remain in complete denial about her allegiance to white supremacist thinking bout the nature of beauty (28”. I do not agree with this for various reasons: as I choose to wear my hair in various ways and when it is straightened I am definitely not attempting to look like a white woman, I am well aware of the effects white standards of beauty has had on blacks especially myself, and this is problematic because it implies that black women who wear their hair naturally are the liberated and enlightened ones and I have to disagree with that.  However, it is important for me to continuously be conscious of the messages I want my students to receive and other messages I may be sending. Are they contradictory? Overall, hooks’ insights inspire me to be constantly reflective of myself not just as a teacher but also as a person. 

            I also learned a lot from her insights on whites who also consider themselves to be “liberated and enlightened”. She states, “a well meaning liberal white female professor might write a useful book on the intersections of race and gender yet continue to allow racist biases to shape the manner in which she responds personally to women of color…She may have a “grandiose” sense of herself, that is, a confidence that she is anti-racist and not at all vigilant about making the connections that would transform her behavior, and not just her thinking (29)”. I think this is an important point for all of us to consider. How much of all of our “talk” is represented in our lives?

            hooks also explores the issue of self-esteem in minorities, especially young black children. Self-esteem in the few years I’ve been able to work in school settings has proven to be very critical. A lot of black and Latino/a students lack the self-esteem needed to perform in school. A lot of these confidence issues are a direct result of how our society positions certain people, and how teachers reinforce those beliefs. This semester at my placement I’ve witnessed black teachers belittle black students, reinforcing stereotypes that they are inferior. I’ve witnessed Mexican teachers demean Mexican culture and disassociate themselves with the Latino/a students and their families. Asians students have been scolded because “there aren’t any smart Asians this year”.  I’ve heard teachers refer to these struggling students as “po little tink tink”, a comedic reference suggesting that the person is mentally or physically disabled.

            Overall, I think there is a lot to be learned from this book and I could continue to discuss everything that struck me but that would make for a very long post. 

             

11/11 hooks on teaching...

It’s kind of hard to believe that student teaching is almost over and although I’m really excited to go home to Miami and see my family, I’ve realized how much I have fallen in love with a lot of my students, and I’m praying I don’t cry on my last day (that would be super embarrassing). The students I have met at Connally are so special to me and I’m sad that my journey with them can only last a season. This has to be one of the most difficult aspects of teaching; I can’t imagine how the goodbyes must feel year after year.

On Friday one of the teachers at Connally asked me if I would let her class interview me as part of a lesson they were doing on “questioning”. I agreed, and it proved to be a very rewarding activity, for the students and myself. I didn’t realize how intriguing my presence was for the little 9^th graders at Connally, and it brought me back to my own identity as a teacher and how my students see me. In that conversation some of my students got to know me a little bit and I think who I am and my perspective was really refreshing for them. I think they realized how much I am like them in so many ways and their reaction makes me want to be that honest with my students all of the time. For some, the fact that I am a young Black female teacher from an “urban” inner city that makes their environment look like one of the best suburbs in America is very reassuring. I think they are willing to trust me more than they are some of their other teachers. I really don’t know, but this is precisely what I’m trying to discover. I want to know the power that I possess teaching in urban schools because of my background, and I want to be aware of the disadvantages as well.

These questions are what made me super excited to read hooks’ work. I’ve read her book on love and loved her on countless documentaries, but didn’t anticipate that her ideas would make their way to my current situation. I’m about halfway into the text and so far, hooks is bringing me back to why I want to teach, and how teachers can be such powerful people. She makes clear the work that needs to be done in our field. The self-reflection, the unpacking and deconstructing of racism, are all necessary to truly build community in a classroom. Hopefully, hooks will give me some insight on how to capitalize on whatever advantages that may come with me being who I am and how to cope with the disadvantages. I’m hoping that as I get deeper into this book I’ll get a better grasp on how I see myself, and how my students see me.

11/4

Ayers To Teach was very helpful read and addressed a lot of the emotional strains of teaching. It was also reassuring because I felt like I was having a conversation with someone who had dealt with everything I am going through, and they were telling me that I’m on the right path and it would be okay.  I wish I would’ve taken another look at the text this morning because I just had the worst teaching experience ever, and I’m really frustrated.

The students in my Co-Lab class were really disrespectful today and I couldn’t get through the great lesson I thought I had planned for them. My day started out pretty hectic as the computer lab ran out of paper and I couldn’t print their articles in time. Coupled with their behavior my irritation is at an all time high.

I feel like I have a lot of struggling kids who are acting out because they are struggling. They either refuse to participate or are very disrespectful and disruptive to mask their frustration with school. Some of my students are confrontational because they want their friends to think they’re “bad” and maybe the best way to prove that you are is to challenge the teacher; but they’re in for a rude awakening because there is nothing “bad” about these kids to me.

The most difficult thing is that I really care about their success and it really bothers me that I don’t know how to help them. I don’t want to write them up or scream at them every class period. I don’t want to be that teacher. I wish I could have a conversation with them, but I don’t think they trust me enough.

The hardest part is that the people I work with are lost as well. My inclusion teacher doesn’t even know what to do with the students and the one’s I’m having issues with are the students she’s responsible for. I’ve realized that she is not getting any type of support from the administration and has kind of been thrown in without any guidance.

It’s just crazy how different this class is from my Pre-AP class. The students are so much more motivated because they have the confidence to be and I’m beginning to wonder if I can help my other students with their confidence or is it out of my hands.

All in all, I need to take another look at Ayers because I don’t want to take this frustration home.  I want to be hopeful and encouraging when I see them again on Wednesday.

10/28

            The Vygotsky reading emphasizes how important our work as language arts teachers is to the development of our students. Although the reading was difficult, it is very clear that what we do in our classrooms is vital, and supports the natural evolution of  human intellect. Across these texts, I am seeing a recurrent theme of student agency. Even in this text, I sense that Vygotsky sees communication as something that doesn’t necessarily have to be taught but something that occurs naturally and can be nurtured and blossomed by teachers and the social and cultural environment. However, school does not support this blossoming, instead we position our students as people who lack any type of knowledge and attempt to fill them with our own. Communication is also something that is not celebrated in schools, and I am always in awe at how much policing the students do of their own communication.

            In applying Vygotsky’s analysis, I think I will continue to put communication and language at the forefront of my classroom whether it is through discussion or writing. I think this is something that educators should investigate. More time and effort needs to be put on helping our students flourish and grow, rather than filling them with concepts that do not support their natural development as human beings.

            As far as my placement, things are a lot better. We have switched to nonfiction and my CT has given me a lot of freedom in developing lessons for my classes. I’ve tried a couple of things but realize that getting to the point of having the types of discussions I imagine is going to take some time. One issue that stands out to me the most is the issue of community. The students in one of my classes seem very unconnected and because of this their willingness to participate is very limited. I’ve rearranged their seats so that they can get to know other class members, but I think what I will do next is be more explicit about the type of classroom environment I’m hoping for and is necessary. I am beginning to realize it is much better when your vision and expectations for the classroom are less of a mystery for the students.

10/21

“Or else he expounds on a topic completely alien to the existential experience of the students…disconnected from the totality that engendered them and could give them significance.” (Freire, 52)

            What happens when you attempt to connect students to issues that you believe aren’t alien to them, and they aren’t moved?

            “The more completely they accept the passive role imposed on them, the more they tend simply to adapt to the world as it is and to the fragmented view of reality deposited on them (Freire 54).” I think this quote gives the best picture of what I’m seeing in the classroom. It is also my biggest problem. I have realized that my students really do not understand reality as I see it, and even when I attempt and get the chance to make their learning relevant, it doesn’t always work. I also realize that students have become comfortable with they way things are, and do not realize that it isn’t much different from the way things were. The agency and voice that schools have stripped from its students is evident in the way students approach their education day by day.

            The students are hesitant to think and speak. It is as if they believe the kinds of thinking and meaning making they do in school is separate from what they do in their daily lives. I don’t think my student’s think what they believe is worth anything as far as school goes. They’re constantly looking for a right answer and get frustrated with me if I ask them to think or if I’m not guiding them towards it. School is not about learning; it’s about getting the right answer and writing it down in order to pass. 

            Today was the start of Nonfiction as required by the PISD bundles. I was excited to start this unit because I was given the freedom to choose the texts for my classes. As of this moment this excitement has been compromised due to my students’ reaction to what I feel were very relevant and impactful texts. Their reaction was nothing. I’m still in the process of figuring out why and I think the main issue is they just don’t know how or don’t know if it’s permissible to think freely in school. They also lack a lot of background knowledge. I was blown away when some of my students calmly told me that they didn’t know anything about segregation.

            I realize that there is so much more scaffolding to be done with this particular class before being able to move to what I hope will have an impact on how they see and navigate through the rest of their education.

            I’m also beginning to see that there is some group tension here as well. One of my African-American students is extremely hostile to some of the Mexican students and says some really derogatory things to them and that is something that needs to be addressed.        

So for the next class, I think I have to focus on community building and putting an emphasis on thinking and communicating within the community. I see that there is no way I’ll be able to get anything out of them without it.