10/28

            The Vygotsky reading emphasizes how important our work as language arts teachers is to the development of our students. Although the reading was difficult, it is very clear that what we do in our classrooms is vital, and supports the natural evolution of  human intellect. Across these texts, I am seeing a recurrent theme of student agency. Even in this text, I sense that Vygotsky sees communication as something that doesn’t necessarily have to be taught but something that occurs naturally and can be nurtured and blossomed by teachers and the social and cultural environment. However, school does not support this blossoming, instead we position our students as people who lack any type of knowledge and attempt to fill them with our own. Communication is also something that is not celebrated in schools, and I am always in awe at how much policing the students do of their own communication.

            In applying Vygotsky’s analysis, I think I will continue to put communication and language at the forefront of my classroom whether it is through discussion or writing. I think this is something that educators should investigate. More time and effort needs to be put on helping our students flourish and grow, rather than filling them with concepts that do not support their natural development as human beings.

            As far as my placement, things are a lot better. We have switched to nonfiction and my CT has given me a lot of freedom in developing lessons for my classes. I’ve tried a couple of things but realize that getting to the point of having the types of discussions I imagine is going to take some time. One issue that stands out to me the most is the issue of community. The students in one of my classes seem very unconnected and because of this their willingness to participate is very limited. I’ve rearranged their seats so that they can get to know other class members, but I think what I will do next is be more explicit about the type of classroom environment I’m hoping for and is necessary. I am beginning to realize it is much better when your vision and expectations for the classroom are less of a mystery for the students.

10/21

“Or else he expounds on a topic completely alien to the existential experience of the students…disconnected from the totality that engendered them and could give them significance.” (Freire, 52)

            What happens when you attempt to connect students to issues that you believe aren’t alien to them, and they aren’t moved?

            “The more completely they accept the passive role imposed on them, the more they tend simply to adapt to the world as it is and to the fragmented view of reality deposited on them (Freire 54).” I think this quote gives the best picture of what I’m seeing in the classroom. It is also my biggest problem. I have realized that my students really do not understand reality as I see it, and even when I attempt and get the chance to make their learning relevant, it doesn’t always work. I also realize that students have become comfortable with they way things are, and do not realize that it isn’t much different from the way things were. The agency and voice that schools have stripped from its students is evident in the way students approach their education day by day.

            The students are hesitant to think and speak. It is as if they believe the kinds of thinking and meaning making they do in school is separate from what they do in their daily lives. I don’t think my student’s think what they believe is worth anything as far as school goes. They’re constantly looking for a right answer and get frustrated with me if I ask them to think or if I’m not guiding them towards it. School is not about learning; it’s about getting the right answer and writing it down in order to pass. 

            Today was the start of Nonfiction as required by the PISD bundles. I was excited to start this unit because I was given the freedom to choose the texts for my classes. As of this moment this excitement has been compromised due to my students’ reaction to what I feel were very relevant and impactful texts. Their reaction was nothing. I’m still in the process of figuring out why and I think the main issue is they just don’t know how or don’t know if it’s permissible to think freely in school. They also lack a lot of background knowledge. I was blown away when some of my students calmly told me that they didn’t know anything about segregation.

            I realize that there is so much more scaffolding to be done with this particular class before being able to move to what I hope will have an impact on how they see and navigate through the rest of their education.

            I’m also beginning to see that there is some group tension here as well. One of my African-American students is extremely hostile to some of the Mexican students and says some really derogatory things to them and that is something that needs to be addressed.        

So for the next class, I think I have to focus on community building and putting an emphasis on thinking and communicating within the community. I see that there is no way I’ll be able to get anything out of them without it. 

10/14

Dewey’s How We Think was an incredibly difficult and tedious read, especially since it was done in conjunction with my attempts to study for my upcoming certification exams. From this text, I gather that thinking is natural and is not something you can teach but something that can be nurtured and developed.

Dewey’s approach to thinking is definitely how I want to approach learning in my classroom. At this stage, I feel like the educational system has robbed its students of the freedom to think freely. I find myself constantly reminding my students that they can do just that. Learning lacks any type of curiosity or fervor for them. It is just attempting to think and see things how they think teachers and others in power want them to, in the classroom their curiosity and ideas are worthless.

Although there was some very important information in this text as it supports what we have been thinking or “believe” about learning and teacher-student relationships, I think it would have been of better use to my colleagues who seem to believe that our students are incapable of thinking. Especially to those who create a curriculum that does not leave much room for thinking but simply accepting what other people believe or think.

This past week was a blur as I felt almost of no use in my placement. I have almost detached myself from the experience emotionally, because at times, I didn’t like how I felt at the end of the day. Coupled with other expectations, it was often too much. Now, I don’t question much, and I’m basically modeling my CT. I don’t think this is diminishing what I could possibly be learning because I am definitely keeping mental notes of things I don’t want to bring into my own classroom. I also don’t want to create any negative relationships with anybody, or risk someone misinterpreting my questions about the curriculum in a negative way. Mainly because the reality is that I am unemployed, and I am trying to get where they are professionally. Our resume workshop reminded me that I will need references, and good ones.  Therefore, I think I want to work on building positive relationships until I have the influence and leverage to really question anything.

10/7

            After finishing The Dreamkeepers, I immediately thought of my peers and wondered how they felt about this text. Ladson_Billings’ voice is very firm and it’s obvious that she is passionate about the education of Black children especially when a White teacher is involved. I wonder if they find this overwhelming, or the desire to successfully teach Black students daunting. Overall, I don’t find Ladson-Billings’ argument particularly radical; I was expecting a slightly different read. I think the push for better teachers, or teachers who understand that life and identity for students of color can mean something different because of institutionalized racism is very reasonable. I think people don’t like to accept these kinds of arguments because it forces them to acknowledge and accept the realities of racism and privilege; otherwise it is a very uncomplicated and reasonable issue.

            I think what is most important to me in educating students of color is building a positive self- image. I think schools reinforce and celebrate white culture and do the opposite for students of color, which can make going to school quite difficult. I have not been able to try what I think a culturally relevant classroom looks like, so I just try to build my students’ self -esteem in our daily interactions. I speak their language, and try to find small ways to celebrate their cultures.

            As for student teaching, I think I have decided to leave my ideas alone for now and just do what my CT thinks is best for her students. It get’s really uncomfortable when I try something different or question their curriculum and that is not a productive space. Student teaching is like being a guest in a stranger’s home and is not like I hoped or expected. Overall, school is a very stressful experiencewith all of the tests and expectations anyway. The last thing I would want is for my desire to try other ways of teaching exacerbate the situation.